Winter Who

beelzeburg:

This is… not any less creepy in daylight

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)
Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
Dad: Fuck the government.
Dad: Fuck the school board.
Dad: Close the door.
Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
Dad: I love puns.
Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
Dad: Please shut up.
Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were apart of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
Dad: Barbra Parks is fucking Queen.
Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
Dad: They act like I care what they think.
Dad: I hate homework.
Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

why is there a huge jug of oregano??? who the fuck puts oregano in brownies?????

i have been informed that it is not oregano but is in fact marijuana
oh

can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

why is there a huge jug of oregano??? who the fuck puts oregano in brownies?????

i have been informed that it is not oregano but is in fact marijuana

oh

assassins-and-rookies:

Women of Marvel, stand to unite! Fight for what you believe! We gain more power as our numbers slowly grow, so unite!

goddessbracelet:

I was going to add a caption but I think it’s best to let the images speak for themselves.

Let me explain sexuality to you

jessie-beth:

adeadmanandhisfriends:

Through gifs.

Everyone gets straight and gay, so I’m leaving those out.

Bisexual:

image

Pansexual:

image

Asexual:

image

You are now informed.

Actually, this really clears it up for me.

somethingwittythiswaycomes:

themaleanachronism:

icoulduseinsouciantmaybe:

tastysoup:

honchcrow:

#but when are they hiring?

This is like the most urgent sign I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Whereas this is the most passive-aggressive sign.


Im laughing so hard omg

somethingwittythiswaycomes:

themaleanachronism:

icoulduseinsouciantmaybe:

tastysoup:

honchcrow:

#but when are they hiring?

This is like the most urgent sign I’ve ever seen in my entire life.

Whereas this is the most passive-aggressive sign.

image

Im laughing so hard omg

image

soundlyawake:

he has no idea

soundlyawake:

he has no idea